Marriage Communication Common Mistakes And How To Fix Them

Communication is the foundation of any successful marriage. It is essential to effectively communicate with your partner if you want to build a healthy and happy relationship. However, couples often make mistakes when communicating with each other, which can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and conflicts. In this article, we will discuss some of the most common communication mistakes that couples make and offer suggestions on how to fix them.

Mistake 1: Lack of Listening

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is not actively listening to each other. When one partner is talking, the other may be thinking about something else, interrupting, or not paying attention. This can lead to misunderstandings and ineffective communication.

To fix this, couples should practice active listening. This means giving your full attention to your partner when they are talking, withholding judgment, and avoiding interrupting them. Repeating what you heard and asking clarifying questions can also help ensure that you fully understand what your partner is saying.

Mistake 2: Criticising Your Partner

It is easy to criticise your partner when you are upset or frustrated, but doing so can be damaging to your relationship. Criticism can make your partner feel attacked and defensive, leading to more conflicts.

A way to avoid this mistake is to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Focus on how you feel instead of what your partner did wrong. For example, instead of saying “you never clean the house”, try saying “I feel overwhelmed and would appreciate some help cleaning the house”.

Mistake 3: Retaliating

Another common communication mistake couples make is retaliating when they feel hurt or angry. This could be in the form of name-calling, yelling, or using hurtful words. These actions can escalate arguments and increase feelings of resentment.

A way to break this cycle is to take a break and cool off before responding. Both partners can agree to take a 10-minute break to calm down before continuing the conversation. Also, acknowledging each other’s feelings can help prevent retaliation. Saying “I can see why you feel that way” or “I understand how that must have made you feel” can show that you are listening and care about your partner’s feelings.

Mistake 4: Making Assumptions

Assuming what your partner thinks or means can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication. It is easy to jump to conclusions based on your own experiences and values, but this can lead to conflicts and hurt feelings.

Instead, couples should practice active listening and ask questions to clarify what their partner means. Clarifying questions can ensure that both partners have a shared understanding of the conversation’s content. Asking questions such as “Can you tell me more about how you feel?” or “How can I help you with that?” can help people avoid making assumptions.

Mistake 5: Not Setting Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for any relationship. It is essential to set clear boundaries for what is and is not acceptable in your relationship. Failing to set boundaries can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and conflict.

Couples should discuss their needs and wants from the relationship and set clear boundaries together. For example, deciding what is and is not acceptable when it comes to communication, the use of social media, and time spent with friends and family is a healthy way of setting boundaries that ensure both partners feel secure in the marriage.


Effective communication is essential for a successful marriage. By avoiding the common communication mistakes outlined in this article, couples can build a healthy and happy relationship. It is important to practice active listening, avoid criticism, and retaliation, clarify assumptions, and set clear boundaries to ensure effective communication between the partners. Communication takes time and practice, but with effort, couples can build a strong relationship that will last a lifetime.


1. What are some common communication mistakes that couples make in marriage?

Some common communication mistakes that couples make in marriage include not listening to each other, assuming what the other person is thinking or feeling, using aggressive language or tone, avoiding conflict instead of addressing issues directly, and not expressing appreciation or gratitude.

2. How can couples fix communication mistakes and improve their marriage?

Couples can improve their communication and marriage by practicing active listening, responding with empathy and understanding, using “I” messages instead of blaming language, addressing issues promptly and respectfully, scheduling regular check-ins, and expressing appreciation and gratitude for each other.

3. Can seeking professional help be beneficial for resolving communication issues in marriage?

Yes, seeking professional help can be a great option for couples who are struggling with communication issues in their marriage. A trained therapist can provide a safe and unbiased space for both partners to share their thoughts and feelings, and can offer tools and strategies to improve communication and strengthen the relationship.


1. Bradbury, T. N., & Karney, B. R. (2013). Understanding and altering the longitudinal course of marriage. Journal of Marriage and Family, 75(3), 456-480.

2. Christensen, A., & Heavey, C. L. (1990). Gender and social structure in the demand/withdraw pattern of marital conflict. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59(1), 73-81.

3. Gottman, J. M. (1994). What predicts divorce? The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.